FreeFall
by NotYetLostFaith
Summary: The night is cold, her thoughts dark and the roof had never been so calming. She stands on the edge and I never tell you why. Dark. Character death.


She stood on the ledge and looked down. It was a long way. A hell of a long way. But, standing on that rooftop, alone, in the cold dark night, it seemed just far enough. She relaxed her hand and watched as her ringing cell phone tumbled through the air, almost majestically, until it hit the pavement with sound that she was too high up to hear. Tonight, her thoughts wouldn't be interrupted by her partner's rational thinking. She would work this out, alone.

"Alone." She murmured. Her voice was flat, void of all emotion. This decision could not be an emotional one. She could feel the gentle sway of the evening air in her hair. The natural curls dancing in the breeze. She stared at the crescent of reflected light ahead of her. Teasing her. Taunting her. Her eyes, dark, glistening with unshed tears, narrowed slightly. The sparse spattering of stars, tiny pinpricks in the dark, seemed to sing to her. The night really was magical. She actually laughed at that. How tonight, of all nights, was magical, she would never know. "Alone." She repeated. Her voice faltered, her uncharacteristically out of control emotions were threatening to steal it from her. She couldn't allow that. Not now. The seconds ticked by. She knew it was only a matter of time before someone on the street below realised that there was someone stood on the edge. Only a matter of time until someone followed her out onto the roof, into the cool night's air. Trying, desperately to stop her. She wouldn't let them. She couldn't. She knew who it would end up being. Wasn't it always? Every, single, time she was in trouble he was there. Her knight in shining armour. Her Jester in tinfoil more often. He tried. She knew that. But not even he could defend her actions. Convince her that she was no longer who she was. She wasn't _that _woman anymore. She could never outrun her though. The trained killed would never let her free from her grasp. "Never alone." She murmured out into the night. She didn't know how long she'd been up there. Time had seemed to stop but she knew that the thought was indulgent and illogical. Not even her death was important enough to pause time. She could faintly hear footsteps. She heard him as he rapidly ascended to the floor below her. She could almost hear the rapid, shallow breaths enter and exit his lungs as he came to her rescue. She didn't need to be rescued. She was not the damsel in this story. He had wrenched the door open by now. He was frozen. Stood beside the open door. Watching her. He didn't move and she didn't acknowledge him. Neither said a word. Neither needed to. His panted breaths broke the silence. She allowed herself to be slightly comforted that someone would know what she had done before she hit the cold pavement below. It was then that guilt started to blossom somewhere deep inside her. His last thought of her would be watching her freefall. Would she look as angelic as he made her out to be as she fell? Would her curls flow into a halo of chocolate? Would he find comfort in the knowledge that at least she didn't hurt anymore? That she couldn't hurt anyone else? Him? She doubted it, but let that thought fill her. It had her consumed long before the guilt did and she smiled. Just barely. A small tip at the corners of her mouth. The last piece of the puzzle. Her heart felt light for the first time in this lifetime. In another life, half a world away, death was a thing to hope for. Here, now? It was something not to fear, but to embrace. She lifted her face to the sky and sighed, watching as the steam of her breath floated and faded.

"Don't…" His voice reached her. It was faltering. His heart stuttering at the very thought. "Please." The desperate plea left his lips at barely a whisper and reached her ear even more softly. She didn't turn, didn't speak. She would not be the cliché. She would not wave goodbye and tell him a desperate truth as she took the final step. She would do him the justice to not let him remember her crying. He would remember her smile, not her tears. She righted her head and returned her gaze to the deafening expanse of sky before her. She wasn't entirely sure what she was waiting for. She could have taken that final step before he had reached her. Could have spared him this memory. The one she was sure would haunt his dreams. She hoped it wouldn't. Knew it would. She knew he still dreamt of Caitlin. She would be no different. Of that, she was sure. "Please." He begged her again. She would not have been at all surprised if he had sunk to his knees by now. She wouldn't indulge herself and check though. If she saw his face now, this would become emotional. That was something she couldn't do. To herself or him. Especially him. Mostly him. Her hands fisted beside her. Her neatly trimmed nails creating red welts in her palm. She hated to do this to him. To cause him pain. To make him loose another partner. Friend. Maybe even more. She shook her head. Damn emotions. They would not get the best of her now. She could not let that happen. Not tonight. "Pl-please." It was a sob in this repetition. She closed her eyes as his voice reached her. Pain, fear, desperation. Ordinarily, she would have turned, placed a hand to his cheek and told him it would all be okay. She couldn't tonight. Mostly because she wouldn't lie to him now. She knew it wouldn't all be okay. She knew this would hurt. She knew this pain. She felt his rib-shatteringly deep breath before she heard it. It made her heart hurt. "Okay. I get it. You're not gonna face me. I can deal with that. Just, please, please. You can't do this. Especially not like this." He urged her. "We'll have to investigate. Think about how much this will kill Gibbs, not to mention Ducky. Do you really think he wants to scrape you off the pavement?" In truth, she hadn't let the thought run through her head. She knew if she pictured their faces it would make her hesitate. Hesitation in her line of work could spell your death. Hesitation in this situation would spell her living through the experience. That was something she could not allow. "I'm gonna keep talking until you get off that ledge and come back inside with me." She held up her hand to him, effectively silencing him. Her eyes never left the great stretch of blackness in front of her.

"Please." She murmured, too tired to add volume to the statement she knew he'd hear. "Do not. It is a pointless feat." Her hand balled into a fist before dropping back to her side. The motion caused her to sway dangerously and she heard his breathing hitch.

"I can't loose you too!" He cried, tears opening streaming from him. "Don't make me go to another funeral!" She took a deep breath, inflating her lungs to full capacity before releasing it slowly. She took a baby step towards the edge and looked down once more. "_Please!" _She knew that his reflexes weren't good enough to catch her if she took the fateful step now, but she couldn't help but ponder the thought. What would she do it he did catch her? One more baby step. Her toes were now hanging off the edge. A few more inches and she would be on her way. "Stop this! I love you!" She tilted her head upwards before doing everything she had vowed not to. She turned to face him and smiled a gentle smile. She had become the cliché. She took the final step and went into freefall.

I love you.

Do you really consider me to be in your life?

We? As in…you and me?

I say it with love.

What matters is you had my back. That you have _always _had my back.

Couldn't live without you, I guess

Out of everyone in the world who could have found me, it had to be you.

For you.

Are you jealous?

You ever, um, regret not having a wife and kids?

I'm tired of pretending.

Nesiah tova.

Whoa, my ninja.

Nothing is inevitable.

I was just going to tousle your hair. Sometimes it makes you smile.

That's because you're a good person.

I will kill you eighteen different ways with this paper clip.

Not worth dying over. I'll remember that.

I'm not blowing on you again!

Okay, I have looked.

We love you too.

I am what you American's call a screamer, yes?

I was going to say your life would have had more meaning if you would have slept with me.

That's a five.

I'm trying to picture you pregnant.

For your information, that's my knee.

I've never had sex with you either; does that make me a virgin?

I especially liked the article on page fifty-seven. In my experience, it works every time.

Remind me to never tick her off.

Having phone sex?

The End.


End file.
